Buying your next sports jersey

If you were to go out and buy a sports jersey, what would you buy?

It’s tough to buy any current athlete because:
a) that player will probably change teams in the near future
b) that player will probably be implicated in the use of performance enhancing drugs
c) that player had a memorable night in a Denver-area hotel room

Would you consider a jersey from a character in a movie? What follows is a countdown of the Top 13 uniforms of fictional characters (this leaves out the Permian High Panthers and many others). The sole criteria for the list was which jersey would I pay actual money for…so without further ado, here we go…

13. Pittsburgh Pisces – Moses Guthrie #35 (The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh)
Pro: Will go over well within a 5 hour radius of the Steel City
Con: The movie itself is almost unwatchable in its ridiculousness

12. Cadwallader University – Hustler (Fast Break)
Pro: You might get an invite to Jimmy Kimmel for Sunday football with your new best friend, The Sports Guy
Con: You might get an invite to Jimmy Kimmel for Sunday football with your new best friend, The Sports Guy

11. West Canaan High Coyotes – Jonathan Moxon #4 (Varsity Blues)
Pro: While wearing this uniform you get to try out your pitiful southern accent on weak inspirational speeches
Con: Do you really want to represent the Beek?

10. Average Joe’s – Peter LaFleur #16 (Dodgeball)
Pro: Great for a sports bar where the frat comedy will be a big hit
Con: It’s a uniform for a dodgeball team

9. Cleveland Indians – Ricky Vaughn #99 (Major League)
Pro: Everyone knows the “Wild Thing” - especially if you rock the nerd glasses too
Con: People might think you actually root for the real Indians

8. North Dallas Bulls – Phil Elliott #87 (North Dallas Forty)
Pro: Credibility for showing a little love to a forgotten gem
Con: I did say “forgotten”, right?

7. Cutters – Dave Stoller (Breaking Away)
Pro: Shows your appreciation and support for the underdog
Con: Look at it – it’s just a white t-shirt with iron-on letters

6. New York Knights - Roy Hobbs #9 (The Natural)
Pro: Check out that sweet lightning bolt arm patch
Con: Remember in the book, he strikes out to end the game

5. Hickory High – Jimmy Chitwood #15 (Hoosiers)
Pro: He saved the coach's job and scored about 30 of his team's 42 points in the State finals
Con: A basketball jersey on a middle-aged, overweight guy is NEVER a good look

4. Mean Machine – Paul Crewe #22 (The Longest Yard)
Pro: Who doesn't root for the disgraced athlete in a game between the inmates and the guards?
Con: People may confuse this as appreciation for the Adam Sandler remake (even though he wore #18)

3. Durham Bulls – Crash Davis #8 (Bull Durham)
Pro: Old-school logo with the bull coming through the “D”
Con: Look closely…it’s a polyester pullover v-neck

2. Bears - Tanner Boyle #12 (The Bad News Bears)
Pro: Sponsorship by Chico’s Bail Bonds
Con: He's a 10-year old version of Khalil Greene and I'll assume you don't have a Padres #3 jersey

1. Charleston Chiefs – Reggie Dunlop #7 (Slap Shot)
Pro: What’s not to like? Coolest actor in the best sports movie
Con: Simply put…none

Thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball


  1. Freaking sweet post... FYI to both of this posts readers. (I'm assuming John might read this after ZJ checks it out) Mick steps up and brings his A game after taking on a fucking truck. Nothing says manliness like walking away after being hit by a truck and laying the wood on a sweet DSB post.

  2. I know Max Power suffered some cuts and bruises, but after reading this post, what I want to know is ... what does the truck look like?! I summon my inner John Madden when I say, "Look right there ... BOOM! Max gets hit BY A TRUCK and has the strength to deliver a perfect post! You just don't see that everyday, and that's what makes him one of the greats."

    Nevertheless, what does it say about me that I only saw eight of the 13 movies mentioned above?

  3. Here is a few honorable mentions for you:

    Stefen Djordjevic- #33 - Ampipe High Bulldogs
    Benny 'The Jet' Rodriguez- #30- LA Dodgers
    Billy Chapel - #14 - Detroit Tigers
    Shane Falco - #16 - Washington Sentinels

    and last but not least:

    Henry Rowengartner - #1 - Chicago Cubs

  4. All considered...except for Billy Chapel - - not only was it NOT a sports movie; it was also not even watchable. When Vin Scully can't save it, you know it belongs in the crapper.

    Off the top of my head, I think the "Just Missed" would have been a Scott Howard #42 Beavers basketball jersey and either a Cooper #44 or Remer #17 Beers jersey.

  5. I almost threw in Coop and Remer...as for Chapel- it was the only reason I could come up with to purchase a Tiger Jersey, besides, how could you not love Vin's line "The cathedral that is Yankee Stadium belongs to a Chapel."

  6. Awesome post! Thought you guys might be interested that www.MovieJerseys.com has most of these.

  7. Yes, I check out those tshirs, very nice indeed, if you want jerseys instead of t-shirts, this is the best website for movie and tv sports related jerseys, cut and past this link: http://www.nfl-nba-mlb-nhl.com/Sports-Movies-Hollywood-Style_c98.htm