People who are using up my oxygen

This is the first of an ongoing series here at DSB...enjoy and thanks for coming and suckling on Daddy's Sugar Ball.

Quick quiz - name the lead singers of the following bands: Coldplay, The Killers, Nickelback, and Maroon 5.

If you said Chris Martin, Brandon Flowers, Chad Kroeger, and Adam Levine you are correct…now name the bass player from each of those bands. If you said you have no freakin’ idea that would be correct too - - nobody knows the bass player unless you are a member of the fan club. And if you are…are you like 16?

Now let me ask those same two questions about the band Fall Out Boy…how is it that nobody knows the lead singer (Patrick Stump, btw), but everyone knows that douchebag bass player Pete Wentz?

Why is it that Wentz is all over MTV, E!, People magazine, and every other media outlet when he's only the band's bass player? Is it because he married Ashlee Simpson? On a side note, I always thought Jessica was the way to go in that family; but considering she’s been with seemingly "normal" guys in Nick Lachey, John Mayer, and Tony Romo I’m starting to re-think my position…Ashlee has definitely vaulted into the lead of the Simpson most likely to take it up the ass (and I’m not counting O.J.’s pending incarceration)...however, Wentz considers himself a bisexual so she may also be the Simpson most likely to pull a Janice Soprano-like Ralphie and I don’t want any part of that.

Recently Wentz and Ashlee had their first son and promptly guaranteed him years of beatings by naming him Bronx Mowgli. That’s right…they named their kid like he was a hermit crab from the shore that will die within two months. Bronx - because they live there? No. Bronx – because that’s where they met? No. Bronx – because after David Beckham and Posh named their son Brooklyn, they didn’t want to get stuck with Queens or Staten Island as a name? No. Bronx – just because they liked the sound of it. And Mowgli? Obviously both are big fans of Disney’s Jungle Book. This makes complete sense…for people who ride the short bus. Apparently they didn't like the sound of Bronx Cruella or Bronx Nemo.

I can’t believe Wentz’s 2005 suicide attempt was unsuccessful and now he and his mutant offspring are both breathing air that is more suited to me.