MLB Predictions Part Two: NL Edition

Sweet Jesus, have you seen Carlos Baerga on Baseball Tonight yet? He's more orange than Syracuse's home unis and more waxed than Madame Tussaud. He looks like he just stepped off Sunset Tan. Seriously, he looks like a Muppet. In other news, there are two commercials I love right now. Well, three if you count the new Jack in the Box campaign. The first is Dustin Pedroia getting repeatedly insulted by Jerry Lambert (that guy from the Holiday Inn's "three-business-guys-and-Cal-Ripken" commercial fame) for Playstation's MLB 09 The Show. In the commercial, Lambert plays Kevin Butler, Director of Game Accuracy at Playstation. Can we give Lambert an Oscar for this role right now? A whole campaign around featuring Lambert is not enough -- I want an entire sitcom developed around this character. In fact, I just may start working on a spec pilot script after I finish this post. Secondly, I love Jimmy Rollins impression of Samuel L. Jackson in the new Dick's Sporting Goods commercial. He kills me! Could have used a bit more swearing, but it works. Now onto the National League and postseason predictions:

NL East W L

  1. Philadelphia Phillies 95 67
  2. New York Mets 93 69
  3. Atlanta Braves 82 80
  4. Florida Marlins 79 83
  5. Washington Nationals 66 96

NL Central W L

  1. Chicago Cubs 100 62
  2. St. Louis Cardinals 89 73
  3. Milwaukee Brewers 84 78
  4. Cincinnati Reds 76 86
  5. Pittsburgh Pirates 72 90
  6. Houston Astros 65 97

NL West W L

  1. Arizona Diamondbacks 89 73
  2. Los Angeles Dodgers 87 75
  3. San Francisco Giants 81 81
  4. Colorado Rockies 76 88
  5. San Diego Padres 62 100

NL MVP: Albert Pujols

NL Cy Young: Rich Harden (I know, I can't believe he was healthy all year, either!)

NL Rookie of the Year: Cameron Maybin (Don't hold me to this one.)

NL Manager of the Year: Lou Piniella

NL Notes: I may be expecting too much from the Phillies, but I like their swagger … and if swagger helped Brian Urlacher that much, it can't hurt the Phils … the New York Mets pitching will cost them another pennant come September … yet Omar Minaya will (somehow) keep his job … after an off-season of every free agent rejecting the Braves (the Spurning of Atlanta! … zing!) like a dirty diaper full of Indian food, I may have shot a bit high on them … discount the Marlins all you want, but if they had landed Manny in that three-team deal last year, we'd be talking about them as a favorite … sure, their business plan alienates fans, but they're always loaded with young talent … believe it or not, this is an improvement for the Nationals … with Jim Bowden gone, who is the worst GM in the game now? … be prepared for Cubs fans to annoy the living shit out of you again this summer … want to know how I know Tony LaRussa plays fantasy baseball? He tries to get infield eligibility for all his outfielders … seriously, what the hell? He'll receive total consciousness only with a team full of Jose Oquendos … anyway, enjoy a full season of Jason Motte's mullet … I also may have shot the Brewers load too high here … everybody, please welcome the Cincinnati Reds back to relevancy … no, they won't be great (let's not get crazy here), but Volquez, Cueto, Bruce and Votto injected some excitement into the Queen City for the first time since the early '90s … the Pirates actually have some minor league talent that may help them get to .500 by 2012 … and thank god they scrapped the vests … do yourself a favor and check out the Astros record during Spring Training … actually, I'll save you some time and do it for you … as of today, March 18, they are 1-16-3 … that is not a typo … I may regret putting them at 65 wins … the Arizona Diamondbacks are one good starter away from winning 95 games … well, that and a reliable closer … okay, and a true power threat … hmmm, I'm talking myself out of them now … but the Dodgers don't have the pitching to win the West this year … unless Li'l Frankie McCourt and Neddy Coletti pick someone up during the season … Cliff Lee and Erik Bedard are in contract years this season … say what you want about Brian Sabean and the Giants being too old, but by 2011 they will begin a dynasty in the NL West … their farm is that good … for all that is holy, let's hope Troy Tulowitzki reverts to 2007 form … for the Rockies … and for Max Power … hope is a good thing … but it doesn't exist in San Diego … not now, not next year … and not even in 2017.

Postseason Results … of the Future! (for gambling purposes only, please):

ALDS: Red Sox over Angels, 3 games to 1

Yankees over Twins, 3 games to 2

ALCS: Red Sox over Yankees, 4 games to 2

NLDS: Cubs over Mets, 3 games to 2

Phillies over Diamondbacks, 3 games to 2

NLCS: Cubs over Phillies, 4 games to 2 (cue the pandemonium)

World Series: Red Sox over Cubs, 4 games to 2 (cue new reason for Cubs curse. Early favorites are UFOs, Jim Belushi, or the Black Mamba.)


  1. ALCS with the Red Sox winning 4-2 over the Yankees? Are you nucking futs? That series is going seven games for sure... Obviously you know nothing about baseball!


  2. ZJ does Larry King's Notes column better than Larry King!!!!