Predictions for the 2009 MLB Season: AL Edition

Just some quick thoughts before I get into the meat of today's post …

… if you haven't yet clicked on the songs on the right side of the page, do yourself a favor and do so now while reading. I highly recommend "Grounds for Divorce" by Elbow. It's a toast to a dead friend known as the "seldom-seen kid," but there's nothing sad about this one; it's a tight, grinding, drinking song with great lyrics:

"Mondays is for drinking to the seldom-seen kid;

I've been working on a cocktail called Grounds for Divorce"

If, at the 1:15 mark, you are not properly fired up when the power chords take over, drive immediately to your closest hospital's Emergency Room because you are dead inside.

… I admit that I like to gamble, but I don't like risking my hard-earned (Ed. note. hardly-earned) money. So I take utmost pleasure in ESPN's Streak for the Cash and CentSports.com. Recently, my streak on ESPN reached nine wins and I was practically hyperventilating at making my next pick, which took me three full days. I lost, of course, and thus began a five-game losing streak. CentSports is even better – through the magic of advertisers, the administrators of CentSports give you a dime to begin betting. If you win, continue placing bets at your leisure. You can cash out after you reach $10.00. If you happen to lose all your winnings at any point, they give you another dime. Completely risk-free! What could be better?

… reader Phil* recently asked me how I think the Dodgers will do this year. I'll do you one better, Phil - I'll make predictions for all teams and postseason awards! If anyone has ever done this on the world wide internets before, I'm unaware of it and frankly, surprised. Upon further review, however, this post is looking too long, so expect the NL later in the week.

*Name changed for privacy reasons. Or just pick any reason. I don't really care either way.

AL East W L

  1. Boston Red Sox 97 65
  2. New York Yankees 94 68
  3. Tampa Bay Rays 89 73
  4. Toronto Blue Jays 74 88
  5. Baltimore Orioles 70 92

AL Central W L

  1. Minnesota Twins 88 74
  2. Cleveland Indians 87 75
  3. Detroit Tigers 78 84
  4. Kansas City Royals 76 86
  5. Chicago White Sox 71 91

AL West W L

  1. Anaheim Angels 86 76
  2. Oakland A's 84 78
  3. Texas Rangers 74 88
  4. Seattle Mariners 66 96

AL MVP: Grady Sizemore

AL Cy Young: Josh Beckett

AL Rookie of the Year: Matt Wieters

AL Manager of the Year: Terry Francona

AL Notes: The Red Sox rotation goes eight-deep, which is a recipe for success … a delicious recipe … although Brad Penny and John Smoltz should each count as only one-half each … but Kevin Youkilis will come close to winning the MVP … as will Miguel Cabrera … personally, I can't wait for some Hank Steinbrenner sound bites this fall … welcome to the era of 89 wins being a disappointment in Tampa … the Blue Jays may have the worst offense in baseball … yes, I am including the Pirates … and the Astros … anyone picking someone other than Matt Wieters to win the AL Rookie of the Year just likes to play devil's advocate … and should be punched in the teeth accordingly … Cleveland is garnering too much love for my tastes … which we've already established includes delicious recipes of deep starting rotations … of which the Indians have none … and why I'm riding Ron Gardenhire, the Twins and their young strike-throwers … the Royals will be recognized on Baseball Tonight at some point this season … honestly, I don't know what to expect from El Tigres … other than trading Miguel Cabrera to Boston at the deadline … I am not looking forward to anything Ozzie Guillen has to say after the White Sox start off 6-18 … but mainly because the sound of his voice gives me cramps … look for Nick Adenhart to have a successful rookie season in Anaheim … but mark my words, the California Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles are on their way down … will Billy Beane and the A's trade Matt Holliday for a boatload of Cuban prospects at the trade deadline … why are you asking me … how the fuck am I supposed to know? … for all you fantasy nerds out there, beware Chris Davis's obscene strikeout totals in Texas … but enjoy the immense power anyway … my god, the Mariners are an absolute mess, aren't they?

Stay tuned for Part Two: The NL Edition later in the week, and as always, thanks for coming and suckling Daddy's Sugar Ball.


  1. Best line of an seriously great post..."will Billy Beane and the A's trade Matt Holliday for a boatload of Cuban prospects at the trade deadline … why are you asking me … how the fuck am I supposed to know?" Welcome back ZJ we missed you...No Homo.

  2. This post makes me realize I know nothing about baseball...and even less about how to write a great post.